Come from Away Page 14

  “No, I don’t give up.”

  She reached out, touched his hand. “Rudi, I want to trust you, but it’s confusing.”

  She was right about that. “I know, Grace. But I am not giving up.”

  Rudi could feel the warmth of her hand on his even after she left, and her touch energized him. He inspected the building, deciding which project he might tackle after he finished with the roof. He noticed that one of the vacant stalls was being used for storage, and when he pulled back a tarp he uncovered a generator that had been sitting there a long time, unused. He couldn’t see anything indicating what it had been used for or why it had been put away, but he thought he could probably figure out a way it could be put to use once more. The instructions on the label were in English, but that didn’t matter. As a submariner, he knew machinery like the back of his hand, and this one piqued his interest. He’d shown Danny Baker he could handle a hammer. Maybe he’d be interested in Rudi’s other abilities.

  Grace

  TWENTY-THREE

  One of the hardest things about having Rudi around was not being able to tell Linda about him. She’d told her before about his visits to the store, but after Rudi had shown up at her house with Tommy that day, Grace waved off Linda’s persistent questions by saying the trapper had disappeared. After all, her father had made it very clear she wasn’t allowed to speak with anyone about him, and she understood the reasons. But the two girls had always shared secrets, and Grace was dying to tell her about Rudi and her confusing feelings for him.

  When the telephone started ringing she immediately thought of her friend. How long would Grace be able to keep the secret?

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Gracie.”

  It was Harry. She nearly dropped the phone. “Are you all right?”

  He took a breath, and all the worst thoughts filled her head. Linda would have barged in on the conversation if she was still on the line, but she didn’t. Maybe someone else was working the switchboard for a change.

  “I’m fine, but—”

  “Is Eugene all right?”

  “Yeah, yeah. He’s fine. We’re both in Halifax. We wanted to surprise you all by taking our leave at the same time. But something’s happened . . .” One more tiny breath, then, “We found Norman.”

  The room vanished. The paintings and the ceiling and the walls disappeared and she couldn’t find air to breathe. Norman’s alive! How was that possible?

  “Grace? You there?”

  “But . . . is . . .” Her voice shook. So did the hand holding the phone. “Is he okay?”

  Again he hesitated, and she wanted to scream.

  “Harry! Is he okay?”

  “He’s alive, but no, Gracie. No, he’s not okay. We’re bringing him home. Can you find Maman and Dad right now? There’s . . . a little explaining I need to do.”

  “Yes, hold on.”

  “I’ll be right here.”

  In a blur, Grace raced through the house, calling out for her parents.

  “What is it?” her mother asked, wiping damp hands on her apron. “For goodness’ sake. One might think you—” She blanched, seeing Grace’s face. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  Her father came around the corner. “What’s going on?”

  “Dad, it’s Harry. He wants to talk to all of us. Hurry, please!” Grace hustled them to the phone and held it between them.

  “Son? Are you all right?” Danny leaned forwards, straining to hear.

  “I’m fine. But I need to tell you and Maman something. It’s good and bad, but it’s going to be real hard for you to hear it.”

  Audrey shook her head. “You tell me, Danny.” She left Grace and her father to share the phone, then sat down, hands clenched.

  “We’re ready, son. What is it?”

  “Dad, we . . . Eugene and I found Norman.”

  “What?” Her father’s voice practically sang with joy. “Audrey! They found Norman!”

  She gasped, then melted into sobs, making it harder to hear. Grace squeezed close to the phone. What else did Harry need to tell them?

  “That’s wonderful news!” Danny cried. “Well now, I just knew they were wrong about him! I just knew. Well, when—”

  “Dad, there’s more. There’s a lot more. He . . .” Harry’s voice was tight with restraint. “We found him in Halifax. In an alley. He’s messed up bad and down about thirty pounds. Barely recognized him. I’m not sure he knows where he is. Eugene’s with him right now.”

  Tears of confusion blinded Grace. What does this mean? How can Norman be in Halifax and not know where he is? What’s wrong with him?

  Her mother stopped crying and the room fell silent. “What is it? What’s the matter?” Audrey whispered.

  When Danny spoke next, he sounded subdued. “Bring him home,” he told Harry. “I want all three of my boys home tonight.”

  TWENTY-FOUR

  On the drive to the train station, her father spoke with them at length about what they might expect to see with Norman. “In my day they called it ‘shell shock,’ ” he said, jaw tight. “It’s . . . it’s different for everyone. It’s because of the damn war. How can you not lose your mind when your job is to kill as many people as you can?”

  I do not want killing, Rudi had said to her father. And he’d actually seemed afraid as he’d said it. At the time Grace had assumed he was simply concerned about being turned in. Now she wondered if that fear went deeper.

  The night was cold and miserable, the road slick with freezing rain. No one cared. All that mattered was getting Norman home. At the station, they went inside to wait for the train to arrive, but though they huddled by the stove, the cold ran bone-deep. When the train pulled into the station, the family went out onto the platform to greet the boys, but Grace didn’t recognize Norman. He was hunched over with Eugene and Harry on either side, and his head seemed to have been swallowed up by a massive red beard.

  Her father was the first to speak. “My boys,” he said, opening his arms. “All three of my boys. My God, I’ve missed you.”

  At the greeting, Norman jumped back, the whites of his eyes glowing in the station’s lights.

  “It’s Dad,” Eugene said gently. “He’s excited to see you is all. Nobody’s gonna hurt you now. The whole family’s here, Norman. You’re safe.”

  Everyone stood still as stone, waiting for some kind of signal, but no one knew what to do. Grace stared at Norman, a strange numbness closing over her. She knew she was supposed to be strong, supposed to welcome her beloved brother back as if nothing had happened, but she couldn’t make herself go to him. Couldn’t stop the tears that trickled down her cheeks and dripped onto her coat to mingle with the freezing rain. Her brother was a stranger to her. She was a stranger to him.

  Audrey spoke gently, as if he were a little boy. “Oh, Norman. You don’t know how happy we are that you’re home, my precious son.”

  But when she reached for him, he shrank away, staying nestled between his brothers like a timid child in a schoolyard.

  Audrey stepped back, and Danny put a comforting arm around her. He held a hand towards the truck. “Come on home, boys.”

  “Here we go. Almost there,” Eugene said, easing Norman towards the vehicle.

  Tommy drove, and Norman sat in the back seat with his parents, curled up into himself. Grace rode in the truck bed between the twins, feeling very cold, very wet, and very small.

  When they got home, her parents seemed to know exactly what to do. It was like they pulled the cord on a lamp, Grace thought, the way they went from their enthusiastic welcome to a calm and reassured caretaking. After filling Norman with cookies and cocoa, he was shuttled to the bathroom, where he was cleaned, shaved, and his teeth brushed, then he was wrapped in blankets by the fireplace. He remained mute throughout, and everyone else spoke in hushed voices.

  “Better?” Eugene asked, one dark brow raised. “You sure do smell a hell of a lot better.”

  The anguish filling Norman’s
eyes broke Grace’s heart. He was afraid, he was grateful, he was humiliated, he was lost . . . He took a shaky breath, but his lips closed before he could speak.

  “You’re gonna get better,” Harry assured him. “We’re with you now. It’s all gonna get better.”

  It was Grace’s job to inform Gail that she was no longer a widow. Earlier that evening, the decision had been made that Gail would not be informed of her husband’s presence until he was cleaned up. They hadn’t known what they’d see at the station, but they knew Gail wouldn’t be strong enough to face whatever it was.

  Grace stood in the doorway, fist over her mouth. At a nod from her mother, she left the family and hurried outside. She couldn’t wait to get out of the house. It felt like it was closing in on her. The family’s anguish felt hot and sticky on the walls. Outside, the freezing rain continued, pelting her cheeks as she crossed the yard. But even outside of the house she couldn’t escape; with every step she saw Norman’s tormented expression. He was back from the dead, but at what cost? She stumbled off the path, feeling dizzy, then stopped, afraid to take another step in case she fell.

  Someone was walking up the path, coming towards the house. Rudi. She awoke from her stupor and rushed towards him, grabbing his arm. He looked confused but let her lead him to the side of the house, out of hearing.

  “You are okay?”

  She shook her head, not knowing where to start. “It’s my . . . My brothers are home.”

  Rudi’s eyes widened with alarm. “Oh. I am—”

  “No, it’s not about you, Rudi.” She swallowed hard. The words she had to say should have been so wonderful. How had it all gone so terribly wrong? “You see, all three of my brothers are home.”

  He shook his head slightly. “I do not understand. Your brother Norman? He is alive?”

  Her chin betrayed her first, wobbling with emotion. “They found him in Halifax and brought him home, but he’s not right. He doesn’t know where he is. He’s . . . he’s . . .”

  His arms were around her before she knew what was happening, and she grabbed a hold of his coat as if it were a lifeline. The dark, wet wool against her cheek felt safe, smelled familiar, and he held her steady. She sobbed into it, vaguely aware of his whispers, of his soothing hand on her hair, and she let the comfort he offered carry her away. He was warm, he was strong, and in that moment he was everything she needed.

  But the moment couldn’t last forever. She backed out of his embrace and scrambled for a handkerchief, but he already held one for her. She took it and covered her face, too embarrassed to look at him. She knew how she must appear: her eyes red and swollen, her nose running.

  “You are not happy he is home?” he asked quietly.

  She dropped her hands, shocked he should ask such a thing, and terrified she didn’t know the answer. “Of course I’m happy!” she exclaimed. “I mean, I . . . He’s alive! That’s what matters, right?”

  “Right.”

  “But he just sits there. He won’t say anything. It’s like he’s a different person. I don’t even know if he sees me there. I just . . . I don’t know what to do! Will he ever get better?”

  “Grace, he is maybe afraid.”

  How dare he say such stupid things at a time like this? “Of course he is,” she snapped, angry and miserable all at once. “We know that. We know he’s had a terrible experience. But now he’s home, and we’re going to keep him safe. It’s just that—”

  His hand curled gently around her arm. “No, I’m sorry. I mean he is afraid maybe family do not want him anymore.”

  “What?” That made her pause. “Why wouldn’t we want him?”

  “Your brother is army, ja?”

  She nodded.

  “Army is . . .” She could see he was battling for words. “Army is difficult for any man. Your brother, he sees many, many terrible things in army, and he must kill men. This is . . . this is not Norman’s . . .” He pressed his fingertips to his chest. “His Herz?”

  It took her a second. “His heart? You mean it’s against his nature to kill men? Of course it is.”

  “But, Grace, the heart, it can break from this. He is good man doing bad things. He is different now. If he is not the same as before, maybe he is afraid family will not like different him.”

  He might have stumbled over his words, but she understood. She was stunned by the awful thought, and guilt rushed in. “Oh.”

  Seeing Norman the way he was now had been so shocking, so real, so unfair, that she’d thought only of herself. Of how his change affected her. But of course he was hurting! He needed her—even more than she needed him. All of a sudden she couldn’t wait to get back to the house.

  “Rudi,” she whispered, “thank you.”

  “I do not need thank you, Grace,” he said tenderly, his hands in his pockets.

  Somewhere a door creaked shut, and she remembered she had a job to do. “I have to get Gail, his wife. She hasn’t seen him yet. We all need to be there for Norman.” She stopped.“I meant the family. That was thoughtless of me.”

  He was so sincere, so sweet, such a contrast to the man they’d assumed he would be. Despite everything he’d done and said, she felt safe around him, and when they were apart, her mind dwelled on memories of his voice and his smile. On impulse, she put one hand on his shoulder and lifted onto her toes so she could kiss his cheek.

  It was supposed to be nothing more than a thank-you gesture, but as her heels sank back down she couldn’t stop thinking about the warmth of his skin against her lips. Tears surged to her eyes again, but they were different this time.

  “Thank you, Rudi. For taking care of me.”

  The rain clouds had passed, and moonlight picked up the pale white of his smile. “If you need me, I am here.”

  Then he stepped out of her way, and she ran to Gail’s, her mind a whirlwind of emotions. Her aching sympathy for her brother chased the thrill of Rudi until she could hardly see straight. Feeling slightly out of breath, she burst into Gail’s house and delivered Norman’s incredible news as clearly as she could, telling Gail he was back, he was alive! but she also warned her about that term her father had shared. About shell shock.

  Gail gaped at Grace, not moving. “What’s that mean?”

  “He’s . . . he’s different, Gail, but he’s going to be fine. You just need to be prepared.”

  Gail grabbed her coat from the hook by the door and together they sprinted back to the house. As soon as they were inside, Gail rushed to her husband’s side. When he didn’t show any sign of recognition, Gail looked at Grace, questioning.

  “Is he deaf or something?”

  “We’ve been talking to him in a normal way,” she said. “I think he hears us, but he doesn’t say anything. Just move slowly and he’s okay.”

  Gail squatted by the arm of his chair, and though he didn’t move his head, his eyes rolled up so he could see her.

  “Norman?” she said quietly, tears rolling down both cheeks. “Sweetheart?”

  Grace stood by the fire with Harry, watching in silence.

  “Can you say something, sweetheart? Say hello? I’ve missed you so much. I thought you . . .” Gail’s hands gripped the arm of his chair, and she swallowed hard to control her voice. “Little Joyce . . . she’s walking and everything. You wouldn’t know her, but she looks so much like you. She’s so pretty.” Gail was breathing fast, near panic, but Grace noticed she hadn’t touched him once. “Please, Norman. Say something. Please? Tell me a joke? Make me laugh?”

  No one spoke. The clock hit the hour and chimed nine times.

  “Why won’t he talk to me?” Her voice was shrill with hysteria. “Why does he look this way? What’s wrong with him?”

  “He just needs some time,” Harry said.

  “He’s been on his own for a while,” Eugene replied. “Dieppe happened more than six months ago, and we only found him today. He’s real confused.”

  “What am I supposed to do?”

  Grace’s mother low
ered herself to the floor beside Gail. “You just have to be there for him. Things will get better, but it might take a long time. His family is the one thing he needs.”

  Gail shook her head vigorously and started to rise. “I can’t just wait. He needs to come home to me now and take care of us. His daughter needs him just like I do.”

  From the corner of the room, Danny finally spoke. “You don’t think he needs you too, Gail? He needs you more than anything.”

  But her voice was thick with sobs. “I don’t even know who he is anymore! He looks like Norman, but he’s obviously not Norman!”

  Grace felt helpless. Her poor brother’s eyes were glistening. What was he thinking?

  “That’s enough, Gail,” Danny said gently. “Norman is Norman. He’s just having a rough time. The family’s here for both of you, and we’ll get through this together.”

  “Come with me,” Audrey put her arm around Gail. “Seeing him after all this time has come as a great shock to everyone, that’s all. I think you need to get some sleep, try to adjust. You will be fine, though. Just like Norman. And don’t worry. We’ll keep him here tonight.”

  Gail left with Audrey, looking pale and shaken.

  Norman curled up in the chair, his shoulders rounded so his head hung low. His posture reminded Grace of a dog who had been caught doing something bad and now expected punishment, but what could Norman ever have done that might call for penance?

  Rudi was right. Who knew what her brother had been through? It didn’t matter to Grace, but the important thing was that it mattered to Norman. Maybe he thought whatever he had done was so terrible they couldn’t love him anymore. Maybe that’s why he’d never made it home from Halifax. Maybe the punishment he feared was rejection.

  “She’s just scared. We’re all scared,” Grace said, crouching by his side. “She loves you, Norman. She’ll be back tomorrow.”

  Grace tentatively wrapped her arms around his neck. She was so relieved when he didn’t pull away. He had lost too much weight; she could feel the bones of his shoulders. But he still smelled like Norman. He still was Norman.